Transient rituals

I am waking up at 4am that morning, wearing the clothes that I prepared the night before, washing my face, taking the trash out and hopping on to my bike. I am feeling like I am escaping my day to day reality. I feel liberated as the slight wind going through my face and momentarily I am feeling fulfilled. The rising morning is reminding me many different things, some are way back from nineteen years ago and some are from few months back. As I am surfing through at least a few different emotions I am cycling with a mixture of relaxed and anxious state and checking my watch to make sure I am running on time. Then I am thinking that probably I haven’t put enough buffer to compensate for anything that might go wrong but then reassuring myself that it’s all going to be alright.

I am parking my bike at the underground bike garage and feeling insecure a bit. I am locking my bike, gazing at my back and starting walking to the train station. I am having an urge to buy a coffee from the open Starbucks but then asking myself the question, what is that I need the most now, and the answer is becoming apparently sleep. Then I am heading towards the platform where the train to Berlin will depart. I am settling down to my chair and going through many different flashbacks. Trying to stay at present, I am listening to few tunes on my headphones. In the next couple of hours I am catching an unease sleep on and off and then I am waking up around 9am finally. I am getting a coffee then and starting reading the book I thought that it would be a good fit for this train trip.

The train is going through the fields, villages, small towns and sun is getting behind a cloud every once in a while. I am trying to leave everything that is bugging me and stay present. I am feeling a bit tired and trying to assess whether I will be able to complete a swim workout that day. I am starting to think about what I should eat before the workout. I am checking in to my hotel and meeting with my friend. We are catching up after a while, maybe at least six months. After a good meal we are heading to the swimming pool and I am feeling excited about it. We are arriving at the Berlin olympic stadium and I am entering the pool. I am starting fast just to get used to the water temperature but it’s feeling good. Not sure whether it’s because of the sunny weather or the pool heating, it’s feeling smooth in the water, around twenty two - twenty three degrees.

After completing a good swim workout, I am already starting to prepare myself for the run the next morning. But I am feeling a bit anxious about my recovery. I feel weak and getting supplements, vitamins and isotonic drinks just to make sure I get a good recovery through a good night’s sleep. Then I am heading out for the run, the next day and finding it too far away to reach Tiergarten by just running and walking. That is why I am starting a run without checking the navigation and aiming for a good fourty minute zone two - three workout. Exploring the city on the foot is allowing me to focus on the small details and texture of the city, watching strangers. An elderly returning home from a grocery shopping, a mom taking a walk with her toddler, a milennial going to work. While running, I am realizing few things about myself and feeling slightly cold with a headwind.

I am then exploring the city with some olds friends and we are walking the city upside down. Sharing stories, talking about literally anything and everything and exchanging a good amount of laughter. I realize that I miss these kind of small but touchful interactions in my life. I miss those laughters especially. Without any kind of coping mechanism triggered, just being myself around people that I can be myself. I am also feeling content and grateful about this four day swim, run, swim, run workout schedule. Even though I am missing my yoga mat and foam roller, I am trying to warm up and stretch before the workouts. I am feeling grateful about the flow that we are finding with my friends too. We don’t rush to catch anything in particular. We just focus on catching up, spending a good few hours at a good coffee shop or at a really nice restaurant. We discuss people‘s outfits, we do some window shopping and we take a lot of photographs.

Before the swim workout the next day, I am writing a relatively short journal and that is helping me unpack few layers of emotions. As I am writing through the lines, I find my liberation. As the rain continues outside, I am mentally preparing myself for a rainy swim. Heading to the outdoor pool, I am finding the water the temperature colder this time. After the swim, I am realizing that this kind of natural flows where we go with our own pace and our own rhytm, we don’t care about seeing as many things as possible in the city. And that’s allowing us to really see the colours of the city and focus on our presence. That is what I am missing in my life, I am telling to myself, more presence, less planning, more quality time and flowing, less chasing. As we walk through a bridge with a sunset on our horizon, I am thinking to myself how much my perspective to travelling is changed and how much my passion for travel stayed the same. I am feeling grateful to flow through this weekend with my workouts, friends and perspectives. And realizing that, sometimes those memories are just one train trip away.

“En büyük iyileşme genellikle en sıradan şekillerde gerçekleşir.”