Obscure voyages

After maybe three months of separation from my bike, this week I am preparing for a quite bit of maintenance for my bike followed by a deep cleaning. I think the reason why I hesitated to get back on my saddle for the past two months could be due to the turbulent rides I had, at last time I was cycling in Belgium with couple of cyclists. Even though I regularly maintained my bike over the course of last year, there were a few components of it that it needed to be changed such as the chain, cleats and outer tyre bands. I dodged few bullets while cycling through the hills of the Wallonia region of Belgium. I think I have to acknowledge that my inner state and my bike's condition was not in a good shape for enduring about 220 kilometers of cycling in two days on an advanced level terrain and rainy & stormy weather.

Even though there were few other cyclists in the group, at some points their perspectives were also challenging me. It was one of those rides where we were starting the route as team mates but becoming strangers to one another halfway through the ride. I quite felt that that day. When I endured through this both physically and mentally challenging ride, I realized that a good team mate brings positive perspective, constructive and uplifting mindset. Facing challenges during a ride is very likely. However probably what makes a difference is giving each other a pat on the back, exchanging few laughter and making a good memory out of an unfortunate event. Though some days it doesn't go that way.

After reflecting on the whole three rides we did back then, I am capturing two learnings and moving onto the next workouts. The first thing I derived was, eating before I get hungry and drinking before I get thirsty. In order to keep a strong mental endurance, fulfilling physical needs has utmost importance when riding in the wild. Other thing I learnt was that I really need to find ways to calibrate my inner state through some kinds of rituals every single day to check how I am doing. And the most rewarding ritual I could find was just going for a swimming session. Because whatever state I find myself at a day, water was reflecting it back to me.

Alongside the maintenance of my bike, this week I am also maintaining my other tools in my life. I am tuning my newest instrument, a beautiful dark-blue-color ukulele. After playing a wind instrument and piano; starting a string instrument is a very exciting step for me. I guess that countless hours of listening to guitar house genre had a slight influence on my newest hobby. Although it requires a constant tuning for now because the strings are new, I am already in love with its vibes.

This week, I also deep cleaned my swimming goggles. I guess I also did not take a good care of them. After a very bad irritation around my eyes I decided to try cleaning them to troubleshoot this unfortunate incident. Another maintenance I did this week was some kind of housekeeping. One of the things I wanted to practice in the new year was to be selective of what kind of energy I consume everyday. What I mean by energy is more of a perspective and mindset. For the past 6 to 12 months, I stopped investing in friends who were greedy, unthankful and had a constant negative look at the life and its contents. Unsurprisingly I lost many friends in the 2022 which I have been feeling really thankful to. Because I feel like I am opening new spacious rooms for neutral, positive and thankful friendships who are nutritious and caring.

I observed a toxic behaviour from a person whom I worked together with in the past, in one of my friend circles this week. This time, instead of silently ignoring it, I decided to step up and warn the person. I value genuine sharing and talking about emotions directly a lot. And this person attacked another person who was just sharing their feelings. It took me a while to realize that I accidentally exploded a fragile masculine character when I warned them. After some back & forth, I decided to let go of this person altogether. I wanted to preserve my energy and let go of that toxic perspective too. I wish we could open more eyes to the potential damages we might be causing to our environment. I wish the people that we look up to, were role modelling us with kind, cautious, sensitive and loving behaviours. In the end, this whole story sharpened my passion for love and cultivation against hatred and judgement.

After a turbulent week, with good news, bad stories and some striking dreams; I am closing it with a swimming workout. This time I am surrendering to the water without expecting anything from it. I am not planning any drills or any plan for this workout. Because I feel like I just need to keep my head in the water, not hear anything from anyone for a bit. I feel like I just need to capture that flow in my breast strokes where each wave train automatically pushes me front without me even stroking.

Over the years, I had some bike tours where I started the trip alone and made new friends along the way and I had some tours where I started the trip with a group and finished, mentally alone. After all, I think I prefer the former one where I would like to meet that voyage partner on a tour that I went just because it was a sunny day. I think I prefer a voyage where anything can be shared and talked about calmly without any judgement. I think that after all, instead of planning every single detail, I prefer letting the probabilities or my fate to choose the scenarios for me. I can just start the voyage and leave it to these causalities from there on.

In my brief awakened life, I found myself in a handful of difficult situations. I finished many workout sessions with revolt and tear. I slept many nights with self doubt. Today, once more I am feeling the importance of just returning to the values in my heart when things get complicated. Therefore, today I choose love and serenity over anything else.

“And the principle is that any time you voluntarily let up control, in other words, cease to cling to yourself, you have an access of power. Because you aren't wasting energy all the time in self defence.”
— Alan Watts